Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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