Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
