There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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