well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
