she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
