i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
