Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
