in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
