I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
