i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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