I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
