Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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