am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
