Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
