Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
