I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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