i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
