ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
