so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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