Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize