SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
