So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize