I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
