My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so let's talk penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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