The maid of honor just puked.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
