Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
