Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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