checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
