i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
