omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
