y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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