dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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