I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
tell me about the eggs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
