She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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