What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
