8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
