farters have to be the big spoon...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize