You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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