I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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