Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize