dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mom said you looked used
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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