Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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