you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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