Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize