Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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