I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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