I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
