So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
