im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
