pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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