and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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