Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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