she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
