I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
