I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
