I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
