just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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