currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
