I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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