Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
