i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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