i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize