Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
