You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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