So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
