Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
