If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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