She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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