i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
