She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
