I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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