i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize