she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Randomize
