Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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