I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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